There are things I say to my younger self after accomplishments and dreams fulfilled that I hope she hears. I was bitter and angry because I lived when I so often hoped for the courage to die. As a disabled person who is a full-time walker and doesn’t need a mobility aid, I never felt like I was able to express my frustration without someone jumping in to say that someone had it worse than me or that they didn’t see me as disabled. I was born with a mild case of cerebral palsy and I have lived as though my body were a curse, as though I was being punished for a crime I didn’t know I committed. When I was younger, my scars, bruises, bent fingers, limping leg, and crooked lips disgusted me. There’s a moment in every day where I think of my younger self-the fifteen-year-old me, the sixteen-year-old me, and the twenty-year-old me who prayed morning, noon, and night to be rid of my body. (Offer valid for US subscriptions only while supplies last. Hunger must be mailed to same address as subscription.) –Ed.]
[Through August 15, purchase a yearly Letters in the Mail subscription or a 6-month Rumpus Book Club subscription and we’ll send you your own signed copy of Hunger: A Memoir of (My) Body by bestselling author and Rumpus Essays Editor Emeritus Roxane Gay! Already have a subscription? Just extend or convert it to receive your signed copy of Hunger !
